You Are Not Alone

If you are struggling to stay positive, and maybe feeling anxious and depressed but not wanting anyone to know, you aren't alone. My student bravely started a conversation that many others have eagerly joined. Listen in. 

Transcript

Kim Bolourtchi: 0:00

This is Kim Bolourtchi, and you're listening to Boldly Stated. There's a lot of pressure in our society to put on a happy face to stay positive, to just keep pushing through no matter what's going on. And while this can sometimes be a good thing, it can be a really bad thing when you are suffering from depression or anxiety. It can make you feel like there's something wrong with you if you're not feeling happy, or you're not feeling positive. It's just not true. You can be both grateful and depressed at the same time, you can be positive and completely anxietized at the same time. These things are not mutually exclusive. And until we normalize the conversation about mental health, people are going to suffer unnecessarily. Today I want to show you how one person speaking up and telling his story inspired an entire class to normalize the discussion around mental health. Now, before we jump in, I just want to acknowledge that feelings of depression and anxiety are different than having a diagnosis of being depressed or of having an anxiety disorder. And because I'm a communication expert, and not a therapist, I might interchange these terms in a way that a medical professional would cringe at a little bit. So I apologize in advance. But the purpose here is really to share his story and to open the conversation to anyone who might be feeling alone right now and struggling. So this particular student had served in our US military, he was in his 20s, and had come back from serving a tour and found himself really, really struggling. And he was in need of mental health services from the VA. Unfortunately, he was unable to access those services for months at a time. He had re-enrolled in school and was attempting to get his degree while struggling with PTSD and depression. And for months, his grades suffered his mental health suffered, there were days he couldn't even get out of bed, and he was unable to get help. Now, this is not a one off. I need to tell you that last year, I had a student in a class that was also a young veteran, and he had come back from serving our country, and told me a similar story about needing services from the VA and not being able to access them in a timely manner. He also struggled with his mental health, he struggled with PTSD, he struggled with depression, and he had sustained an injury while serving our country and was unable to be seen for that as well. So in two years, I have had two students, two young students unable to access medical services they desperately need from the VA, after serving in our military. And I have to tell you that this leaves a pit in my stomach that is too large to even know what to do about, um, you know, we hear about the problems with the VA, and if anybody has a relative who is a veteran and has to navigate the VA for medical care, you know, it's something we sort of hear in the periphery as problematic. But when you have 24 year olds sitting in front of you suffering and unable to move forward with their lives, because they can't access the care that they deserve and need. It is not just heartbreaking. It's fucking maddening. And we have to do better. We haven't been taking care of our veterans for a really, really long time. And this is just further evidence that it's not getting better, and we need to make it better. But that's not what this particular student was focusing so much on. And so while I want to bring awareness to that issue, what he did was so generous for his classmates and I think for college students as a whole. He talked about his struggle with depression and PTSD and normalized the discussion around mental health. He shared his feelings of hopelessness and desperation and told of his struggles to get up and do the most basic things on so many days. He confessed that he almost failed out of school and actually found himself in a really precarious academic position because he could not function. He shared that he didn't know what was wrong with him. And it was scary. And even after months of waiting to be seen by a professional even after he was he wasn't sure that he had been diagnosed correctly. He shared what it felt like to feel so alone, and scared and damaged. And then he spoke about his unwillingness to give up and how determined he was to understand what was going on inside his brain and how desperately he wanted to find a way to heal and move forward. And as he was talking, heads began to nod almost imperceptibly, and eyes filled with tears, and it became so obvious that not only was HE not alone, so many others who had been sitting there quietly, and who had never uttered a word to anyone about what they were feeling, knew they were not alone. So many college students are struggling with mental health. So many of my students, and especially right now, when their worlds have been turned upside down, are feeling so, so alone, and so stuck in a place where they feel like no one else understands, and where they can't connect, and they can't access the support, potentially, that they really, really need. And it's so important to understand a couple of things. The first is that you are not alone. Through his story, other students started coming forward and saying, you know, I experience depression, I experience anxiety, I have been diagnosed with various things and this conversation became really normal. And instead of feeling like, each person was siloed, in their quiet little space, where were isolated because of COVID, and isolated because of personal struggles, there was this place where everybody could start to see that even if they're not talking about it, people are feeling it, and people are experiencing it. And so I want you to know, if you're listening to this, that you are not alone in what you are experiencing. The world has been tremendously unkind to our young people. It's been unkind to everyone, but particularly, to young people in this transition space in life where everything has changed on a dime at a time when you're just sort of trying to figure out your path forward and who you are, and what's going on with still all the expectations that have been placed upon you. And it's a lot. And so I want you to know that the conversation can be had and the conversation is healthy to have and there is no shame and there is no stigma and saying, I am struggling. And I need help. And I need support. And so if you are feeling like you are isolated and alone, and that people don't understand you or that they're not there for you, you've got my email address, Kim at boldlystated.com. Reach out to me, because I promise you, you are not alone. The second thing that has come from this conversation that is really, really awesome is that by talking about mental health, and by talking about the isolation that we're feeling, and in this space of like not knowing what is next and the uncertainty and how difficult it can be to have everything that you thought was certain and everything that you thought you knew kind of up ended, whether it's temporary or for a longer period of time or making you rethink what you thought you wanted to do is that a lot of times when you think you're alone, you get really stuck in your head, or you think it's just you and so you kind of end up in this place of just focusing on yourself and what's going on with you. And in my class, by having this conversation and opening it up and realizing that everybody's kind of struggling in a different way. It helps us realize that while we are each struggling and while we each have our own burdens to deal with, there's a larger sort of burden out there. And and by looking at other people and what they're going through, there may be a space where we can be there for somebody else, in a way where maybe right now we can't be there for ourselves. And by looking outside of yourself and your own suffering and your own struggling it actually can be healing, to be that source of strength of a sounding board or just a source of connection for someone else. So look outside of yourself, look outside of sort of your own bubble of suffering, and realize that there are there are so many other people out there suffering too. And by connecting and by reaching out, and by giving what little you might have to give and just offering that connection, it can be very, very healing. And then the last thing is to use your voice, right. If you feel like you are completely alone and isolated, it can be difficult to understand the value of what it is you have to say. But I'm telling you that through this conversation, my student started about mental health and feeling isolated and feeling alone and feeling afraid. He invited 19 other people to come forward and join that conversation. And even people who didn't have the same experience could connect in some way to the things he was talking about could offer support could offer connection. And that is how we form community and how we support each other in these times. So if you use your voice to talk about things that matter to you, you know, even if you don't want to talk about your personal story, you don't have to do that. But when you speak up on behalf of someone else. Let's say there's a cause out there that you feel really passionate about and you start using your voice for that or you start having conversations with people about things you care about using your voice is a way to help that isolation go away, because it is a connector, right? So when we sit quietly, and we feel like we're completely alone, and people don't understand and they don't know, it creates a sense of deeper isolation. You know, when I say use your voice, this is important, this student is a perfect example. By telling his story, he raised awareness to what's happening in the VA. And now there's 19 other people who are fired up about the fact that their classmates cannot get access to health care, maintain other people who are willing to, you know, know that issue is front of mind to pay attention to ways they can potentially change that system. 19 other people who are now talking about mental health, and saying, you know, I thought I was alone, but I'm not talking about the way you're feeling talking about mental health. Talking about what you need and asking for help is a sign of strength. It takes courage, but you've got that. If you need professional help, please, please reach out and get it. And if you just need some connection, you need to know you're not alone. You just aren't sure where to start. Reach out to me. I really mean it. You can reach me at Kim at boldlystated.com. As the podcast continues, you'll get to know more about me and my story. But one thing I know for sure about you. Your voice matters. You matter. You have important things to do here. And if I can play a small part in helping you get there, well, that's why I'm here. This is Kim Bolourtchi, and you've been listening to Boldly Stated.