It Was Never About the Rule

It started in an airport bathroom line.

A kind gesture turned into a full-blown meltdown — and a masterclass in how people use “rules” to feel in control. 

In this episode of Get Unruly, Kim Bolourtchi breaks down why people cling to rules, how they mistake predictability for morality, and why challenging those invisible limits is often the most human thing you can do. 

You’ll hear what happens when a small act of kindness collides with someone else’s need for control — and how to recognize when the rules you’re following don’t actually make sense for you anymore. 

Because being unruly isn’t about rebellion.

 It’s about discernment — the clarity to know which rules create order, and which ones just keep you small. 

🎧 Listen now to “It Was Never About the Rule.”
Stay kind. Stay awake. Stay unruly.

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Transcript

Kim Bolourtchi: 0:00

You're listening to get unruly, the podcast where we smash the rules that keep you small and build what's next with radical clarity and bold confidence. I'm Kim Bolourtchi. Let's get unruly. Yesterday, I was flying home and found myself in one of those painfully long airport bathroom lines, you know, the kind 10 people deep, everyone pretending to be patient, but silently calculating how long they can hold it. A few spots behind me, I noticed an airport worker. She looked anxious, shifting her weight, checking her watch, clearly needing to get back to work. So when it was my turn, I looked back and I said, Hey, are you in a hurry? You want to go ahead of me. Her face lit up. Bless you. Thank you so much, she said. And rushed into the stall, and then the woman behind me absolutely lost it. You can't do that. She yelled at me. I turn around a little stunned. Do what? Just let someone cut the line. We've all been waiting. And I said, Okay, I get it, but she's working, and she looked a little stressed. It's not that big of a deal. And she goes totally serious. That's not how lines work. And I'm standing there thinking, Oh my God, we are really here enforcing bathroom line law, like it's a matter of national security, but wait, it gets even better. So literally, like 30 seconds later, another stall opens, and I turned to that same woman and said, Would you like to go ahead of me, too? And I'm thinking, if this is really about the rule, she's going to say no, but she doesn't say no. She says, Oh, sure, and steps right in. So clearly, it was never about the rule. It was about her. That moment stuck with me, not because I care about bathroom lines, but because it showed something we all do. We use rules to create control. We pretend that it's about fairness or principle, but most of the time it's about power, even if it's small, unconscious or designed as the right thing to do. Rules make people feel safe until they're inconvenient, and then suddenly the same people defending the rules are the first one to break them. And look, that's not unique to bathrooms. It's how rules are born. If you've ever played a board game with a six year old, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. They'll change the rules every two minutes so that they can win. And it's adorable, right? We've all laughed and seen this happen with a little kid, but that's exactly how rules come to be. And look, I'm not saying the intention is bad. Most of the time. It's Hey. This works for me, and it makes sense to me, so I think everyone should do it this way, but the rule was born through that person's lens, through that person's experience, and it's for their comfort and their benefit. It doesn't represent anyone beyond them, and yet, the rest of us, we get convinced that we need to follow it blindly, without ever asking if it was made for us. So that's why I'm hell bent on challenging rules. They're so often not what they claim to be. They sound like logic, but they're really just someone's preference dressed up as truth, and when you follow them without question, you end up doing a lot of stupid shit that doesn't actually serve you or anyone else. So what does this have to do with you, your leadership, your willingness to embrace change or finally do the thing you've always dreamed of doing well everything, because that same pattern shows up everywhere. We inherit rules from our industries, our bosses, our families, even from old versions of ourselves, and we follow them like gospel, never realizing that they were written by someone who is just trying to make sense of their world, not yours. So when you start to challenge those rules, when you lead differently, you think differently, live differently. Some people, in fact, a lot of people, are going to get really uncomfortable, not because you're wrong, but because your freedom makes them question their own and that's okay, because not all rules make sense, and even the ones that usually do, can have exceptions, especially when breaking them helps someone or create something better. Being unruly is not about rebellion, it's about discernment, the clarity to see which rules protect order and which ones protect ego. We need to get better at noticing when the rules are just inherited habits that benefit the loudest voice, because that's how systems and people get really, really stuck every single. Meaningful change started with someone who was willing to ask, wait, who made this rule and does it actually make sense that moment in the airport was not about courtesy or bathrooms or lines, it was about the quiet power of questioning what everyone else just accepts. So here's your unruly move this week, pay attention to the rules that you follow automatically, the ones that make you hesitate before doing what's clearly right or true for you, and ask yourself, Does this still make sense? Does it still serve the moment that I'm in? And if the answer is no, that is your cue to challenge it, because the truth is, most of the limits holding us back aren't real. They're just rules that someone else wrote, and we never stopped to ask why. So maybe this week, it's not about breaking every rule. It's just about noticing which ones don't fit anymore and giving yourself permission to stop following them, because that's how it starts, not with grand rebellion, but with one small conscious moment of awareness. That's what it means to live and lead strategically unruly as always. Friends stay kind, stay awake and stay unruly. This is Kim Bolourtchi, and you've been listening to get unruly until next time. Have an amazing week. And if this podcast resonates with you, please share it with a friend and leave us a quick review so other bold leaders can find the show.