Wanting More Doesn’t Mean You’re Ungrateful with Kim Bolourtchi

In this raw, unfiltered episode, Kim Bolourtchi exposes the invisible rule that’s been keeping high-achievers stuck:

 The lie that wanting more makes you ungrateful.

Desire isn’t selfish — it’s sacred.
And silencing it in the name of “being content” is the surest way to shrink your power.

If you’ve ever felt a quiet whisper that this isn’t it — that there’s more for you — this is your permission to stop pushing it down… and start listening.

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What invisible rules are you breaking? 
We'd love to know! Text us, or email Kim:
kim@kimbolourtchi.com

www.kimbolourtchi.com

Transcript

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Today, I want to talk about something that we don't often say out loud, but I think a lot of us feel this. We don't always name it, but it's this quiet tension between being happy with what you have and still wanting something more. And sometimes that more isn't even material. It's a sense of purpose fulfillment, a desire to feel more alive. It's just something calling to you, speaking to you to live life in a bigger way than you currently are. And it often hits when things are going pretty well. You've hit the milestones, you've built, the business you're doing, the things you were supposed to do, and often they're the things other people told you you should be doing in order to achieve the success that you you've always wanted and dreamed of. And then one day, in the middle of what should feel like success, something inside you whispers, this isn't it. There's more. And it's not like it shouts, it just kind of gently and insistently starts to nag. The hardest part about it is that the Whisper doesn't always come with instructions. It just sort of shows up and it doesn't go away. It doesn't always tell you what the more is. It's just this feeling, this sense that there's something more for you, and the more you try to push it away, the louder it becomes. Now, on one hand, we can look at it as this is a really good, exciting thing, right? There's there's more. But that's not what happens with most people. Most people will experience a feeling of guilt, and with that guilt comes this thought of, shouldn't I just be grateful for what I already have isn't what I already have enough? Like, who am I to want more and what is wrong with me that I'm not content? And they'll start to think of all the things in their life that are really, really good and feel really bad about this feeling that maybe you know there is more for them. The other thing that will happen is a feeling of, I don't, I don't have the capacity for more, and so they'll push that down. For that reason as well. The tension between gratitude and desire is one of the most misunderstood dynamics in leadership, in growth and in life. Because here is the thing, most of us were taught, an invisible rule, not by anyone trying to hold us back, but by people who are trying to teach us how to be good, how to be polite, how to be grateful, how to be content. The message was subtle but steady, be easy to please, be content and don't ask for too much. And it gets reinforced over time by parents, teachers, bosses, even well meaning friends and partners, not because they want us to stay small, but because they've been taught the same rule themselves. It becomes baked into how we navigate the world. So when desire shows up when something inside starts tugging at us, pointing towards something more we don't always know what to do with it, and we start questioning, is this selfish? Am I being ungrateful? And the natural inclination is to try to push it down, reframe it or silence it, because the rule is already in us, not because someone screamed it, but because it's been quietly absorbed over time, and it says wanting more means you're ungrateful. We were told it was about gratitude, but what it really taught us was to settle we learn it through 1000 tiny moments. Ambition gets called selfish, growth gets treated like discontent, desire gets wrapped in shame, and so we start thinking not that we don't want more, but that we're not allowed to have more because we don't want to seem like the kind of person who always wants more, and that that keeps a lot of people stuck. This showed up for me big time when I started to feel the pull to do something different. Honestly, I almost didn't even step into this work, this work that I now do, that I love literally more than anything I've ever done, not because I didn't have the skills, not because I wasn't ready, but because I was terrified of what people would think, terrified that they'd see me as ungrateful. I had built a successful law firm. I was doing important work with real impact. I had everything that I thought I was supposed to want, but deep down, I also knew I was called to something else, something bolder, something more creative, something just more me. And the moment that I said it out loud, the fear rolled in really fast from other people and also from me. People would say things like, you've got a really good thing going. Why would you risk it? You should be thankful for. Everything that you have, people would kill for the career that you're building. Why would you give it up? Why would you walk away? And the thing is, I was thankful, I was proud, but I was also outgrowing it, and I almost ignored that, because the messages were so strong, and I did not want to be ungrateful. I almost made myself smaller just to make everyone else more comfortable. When you have been taught that desire makes you disloyal, that ambition cancels out gratitude, it becomes really hard to trust your own evolution. And I think this is where so many of us get stuck. And the truth is it's particularly hard, because this isn't a new thing in adulthood, this conditioning starts really young. I remember being at a family dinner as a kid, and I wanted seconds, and I remember the look that I got when I asked for seconds, followed by a lecture about not ever asking for more than I was served to not appear greedy. I remember a time when I said I wanted to write a book. I was probably nine or 10, and I said, I'm going to write a book one day. And somebody laughed and said, Oh my gosh, that's so cute. But what would you even write about it wasn't cruel, it was just dismissive enough to make me wonder if dreaming was something I should keep to myself, and I'll never forget the moment I said out loud that I wanted to be a dancer on Broadway like that was my childhood dream, and it didn't even get a moment of possibility, just a flat yet that's not ever gonna happen. No conversation, no curiosity, just a hard stop. And I get it. They were trying to protect me, keep me safe from disappointment. But what I learned was that dreaming big made people uncomfortable. You start picking up on the message, don't ask for more. Don't be too much. And if you're the kind of kid who doesn't complain and doesn't ask for anything extra you are known as such a good kid and so easy, we start to believe that not asking for more, not wanting more, being low maintenance is the same as being good. So over time, we start shrinking our wants, our voice ourselves, not because we don't want more, but because we're afraid wanting more will make us look ungrateful, and here's what that costs. We don't ask for the raise. We stay in roles we've outgrown. We stay in relationships we've outgrown. We downplay our ambition to make it easier for others to digest. We do not ever build the thing we are uniquely positioned to build. We tell ourselves we're being grounded, reasonable, not greedy, grateful, but what we're really doing is keeping ourselves in check, not because of gratitude, but because of limits, limits that sound like wisdom, but feel like stuck. Gratitude is just the cover story. The message underneath was, don't want too much. Don't grow too fast, don't reach too high. Don't be too big. This idea that wanting more makes you ungrateful is a limit we've got to challenge because the truth is, gratitude has absolutely nothing to do with it. You can be deeply grateful for all that you've built and still want to build something new. You can absolutely love your life and still feel the pull towards something bigger. Wanting more isn't a flaw that needs to be fixed, it's a sign that your vision is expanding and that that is what it means to lead strategically unruly, to break the rules that no longer serve you and build what comes next. If you feel a call toward more, it's yours for a reason. You are uniquely positioned to do things in a way that no other human on the planet can do. And so if you're feeling there is something more for you, whether it's purpose, fulfillment, impact, it's meant for you, and the energy that it takes to suppress it is far more than it will take to lean into it and give it life. So I ask you to think about this. Where have you been holding back? Not because you aren't capable, but because you're afraid wanting more makes you ungrateful, or because you've been told that you aren't allowed to ask for too much or to be too big. What if desire isn't the problem at all? What if it's actually the compass, the whisper that says there's more? It's not selfish at all. It's sacred. Thanks for listening today. If this landed, send it to someone else who needs it, and I'll see you next time.