Unruly About Fear: Janice Burt's Journey to Breaking Free

In this episode, Janice Burt shares her inspiring journey from being a rule-following people pleaser to becoming strategically unruly. 

She discusses the courage it took to break free from the prison of fear, including publishing a memoir that revealed family secrets, to competing in a body building competition, to running a marathon. Janice offers powerful insights on overcoming limiting beliefs, the freedom in self-acceptance, and the ongoing process of personal growth. 

This conversation is a must-listen for anyone seeking to live more authentically and confront their own fears.

Connect with Janice:
janice@janiceburt.com
https://onefearperyear.com/

Transcript

Kim Bolourtchi: 0:00

Janice, I am so excited that you are here with me today. I love this. I am so excited right now. Thank you for having me. So we're going to talk about getting unruly. And you know, when I talk about this idea of of breaking the rules, a lot of people get really nervous because they think I'm talking about rebellion, which, you know, we all have that at some point in our lives, and there's nothing bad about it, but what I'm really thinking about in this conversation are places where we've done it on purpose. And I know that part of your life's work has been to walk through fear on purpose, and you've done some things that are, you know, they're hard and challenging, and things that are scary for people to do, and so I guess my first question for you is, when you think about this idea of being strategically unruly, do you consider yourself to be more of a rule follower or a rule challenger?

Janice Burt: 0:56

Ooh, well, the little Janice me, the one that was longing for validation and approval and acceptance and love me is very much a rule follower, and that's how I grew up. I was a very good student, you know, got great grades in school. I did not rock the boat. I was like, What do you want me to be? What do you want me to be? Hence my my people pleaser, the people pleaser in me. And so that's how I lived for a very long time. And then I became strategically unruly, which I love. I love that because it was a choice to break out of. For me, it was a prison of fear. So I had built my life around pleasing other people, getting their validation, and that was all based in fear. And so the minute I realized, like Janice, almost every decision that you're making in life, it's rooted in fear, like that's where it's coming from. I decided that I was gonna, once every year, do at least one thing that really pulled me out of my comfort zone and was strategically unruly. For instance, one of them was I self published a memoir. And there were kind of some family secrets and things that were just very hush hush, and I had to do with my dad and and I just felt like, you know, I feel like I'm covering this big secret. And it made me feel responsible and just not good. So I decided I'm going to self publish a memoir and talk about it and kind of put it out there into the universe. And so that was very strategically and really because I knew that I could lose relationships like some people could be very upset that I'm putting this out there. So that's one example.

Kim Bolourtchi: 3:06

I love that example. And first I have to tell you little Janice and Little Kim would have been best friends. Little Kim was really rule following too. And I think, I think a lot of us are in that that's how we gain love and acceptance and and all of the things that we're told are the things we're supposed to want, right? Like human belonging will die to belong. There's there's evidence and studies that will literally die to belong and and family loyalty is one of those huge, huge things. So the fact that you selected that as your example is amazing, because, like, one of the big rules is, you know, family stuff stays in the family. We protect our family. We protect our family secrets. We protect our family's dirty laundry. We do not share that. And so I think it's incredibly brave that you, you know, were willing to publish a memoir. And also that is really unruly, because even as you're saying it, I was like, Oh my gosh, I'm thinking about things in my family that you know, I would love to talk about, but as soon as I think about it, like my stomach hurts, right? Because I know what that would do to the family dynamic. And I know there are people listening who are thinking that same thing, like, oh my gosh, I could not do that. I don't have the courage. So what? What gave you the courage to break that particular rule?

Janice Burt: 4:27

I had just come to the place of I did a hypnotherapy session, and she's guiding me down into my safe place, right? She's like, Okay, you're going to walk down these stairs and you're going to open the door and you're going to go into your safe place. So I was like, Okay, this sounds wonderful. So I'm walking down the stairs, you know, this is all a mental exercise, just visualization. And I get she's like, Okay, now open the door into your safe place and. I open the door and it's just pitch black. It's incredibly dark. There's nothing inviting or calming about my safe place. And that was the moment I had this realization, and I just felt fear. So that was the moment where I was like, Oh my gosh, I am full of fear. I don't even have a safe place inside of myself to go. When I had that realization, I I was like, Okay, I need to create a safe place. I need to create something different within me. And so it became very much a personal growth journey. And there was nothing in my mind that was worse at that point than continuing on this path of just total fear and wanting to get everybody's approval and validation at the expense of who I am as as a person and how I really want to show up in life. So I just made a very intentional choice that I am going to do things that are going to feel terrifying. So,

Kim Bolourtchi: 6:21

you know, the way I define rules are the limiting beliefs that we you know, that we have, or the messages, the processes, the things we get told are like, these are the things you can do that you can't do, that you should do. This is the way it has to be. What do you think when you think back to sort of growing up and what shaped you the most? What do you think are the most limiting rules that sort of put put the inhibitors around you being your biggest self?

Janice Burt: 6:55

I would say it's all about how others perceive you like as an empath, I would intuitively kind of know about people, and so it was always for me, like, how do I make that person the most comfortable? And how do I make them like me? And how do I make them not think I'm weird and ruly, you know, doing things coloring outside the lines. How do I just keep the peace with everybody and everything. So for me, that's a lot of what it was. So I was a missionary kid, and lived in Mexico City for five years. Do my parents were doing mission work, and so it was very much just about, you know, you have to fit what people expect a missionary kid to be. A really good example of this is the body building competition I did at 42 years old. I decided I'm going to compete in a bodybuilding competition. And coming from, you know, a very a Christian upbringing where we're very modest, and you know why you showing off your body, and who do you think you are, and all of these limiting beliefs, like these thoughts of, oh, Janice is not a bodybuilder who's going to stand on a stage in a sequence bikini. But I knew why I was doing it, and I knew the fear that held me back from from even contemplating doing that at one point. So, so that was an example of just, I know that this is going to grow me as a human being, and that's all I care about. I care about walking through this fear right now, and I'll deal with, you know, talking to my mom about it later. And whatever, whatever people are gonna think of me is just gonna have to be what it is, and I am not responsible for how other people view me. I am responsible for living my best, most authentic, most free and powerful and purposeful life.

Kim Bolourtchi: 9:42

Yes, I love that. And I was, I just kept thinking of the word freedom while you were talking, because there's so much freedom in giving up the responsibility of trying to be what other people want you to be, right? And so, so talk to us about what it is like to be. Two on the other side of you know, this sort of confining identity of trying to be the person that you were expected to be to now, walking through a different fear every year and continually evolving into your biggest self. Like, what's it like over here,

Janice Burt: 10:21

it's beautiful, it's amazing, it's it's a journey. So I don't want to make it sound like I don't have fears anymore, or all of a sudden. You know, I feel free all the time, because there are those moments where I'll lay awake at night like, what am I doing? What have I gotten myself into? You know, and the voices and the ruminating. But then all of a sudden, I go, Wait a minute. You're ruminating. You're attaching to fear. Again, you're and I start to identify the patterns, and then I'm able to choose something else, another empowering thought. I'm able to connect with someone like you and mutually encourage each other to keep going. So I will say it gets easier. And there are moments where I feel like I'm just floating like cloud nine. It's it's this beautiful, free, peaceful place. And then there are times where I feel myself kind of going back into the fear and the negative thoughts, and I have to remind myself and go back, you know, maybe on my yoga mat, and sit in stillness and take that time to really connect to my center, to connect to the Divine, to really remember, like, what this is all about. And a lot of times, if I see someone really struggling, or I hear of a suicide or something like that, like those kind of things, just pull me right back and I go, you know, life and why we're here sometimes is so much bigger than our day to day. Kind of, you know what we get caught up in, what people think and what it's like when life and death are on the line, I immediately just kind of recenter and go, Okay, Janice, why are you here to begin with, like, it's deeper, it's bigger than you, and tap into that.

Kim Bolourtchi: 13:10

Thank you. Like, I love your honesty around that and vulnerability, because the thing is, like, we're never done, and no matter how many times we conquer our fear or we break the rules, like it's always a work in progress. And I think I'm so grateful to you for for sharing that the way that you just did. It was so beautiful and and so heartfelt, and I feel it so much because I know you know, I'm, like, innately, a shit disturber, and I'm I do really live what I teach I do. And I have moments where I find myself in the cycle of, tell me what I have to do, show me what I have to do. What are the rules like? I literally will find myself back in there and I have to say, Hold on a second. What are you doing, right? And this is old conditioning, and we need to stop and do your own process to pull yourself out of it. And I think there are a lot of people out in the world, and this is one of the things. You know, social media has good things and bad things. One of the things I think people see sometimes is only the I conquered my this, and I have achieved this, and I've gotten to the top of the mountain, and it's so amazing here. And the reality is that I think, if we're all being honest, the human experience is always one in progress. And no matter who the heck you are and how amazing you are, and I believe everyone is freaking amazing, because we're all unique and we have gifts and talents, we are always a work in progress, and the things that we struggle with, we're always going to have to come back to with humility at some point and continue working through those things right, like at a higher and higher level, if we stay Cognizant to what's what's tripping us up. But we're not done. And so I love that you've shared that, and I really, I'm so glad people can hear that. Because I think sometimes people think like, Oh, I did the thing I'm done. And it's like, yeah, no, it takes a lot of diligence and commitment to continue doing the things absolutely, of all the rules you've ever broken, what is the one that you feel like was the flipping, you know, your middle finger at somebody where you were like, Oh, I loved being able to break this rule. This was so fun for me. I don't want to presume you do, but I'm just curious. Do you have one where you were like, Oh, that felt so good to break.

Janice Burt: 15:35

Oh, my gosh, that's funny. That's a funny question. Well, I don't know that I ever felt like flipping the middle finger at someone.

Kim Bolourtchi: 15:48

You're way too nice.

Janice Burt: 15:52

But, um, but I will say the there was a marathon that I did, and then the body building, and the both of those were physical. And I don't like to use, like, just the physical examples, because some of the fears I've walked through have nothing to you know, it was like learning how to meditate, which I think is equally as, like, ginormous and important as running a marathon, but, but there's something about the consistency and endurance and just discipline and willpower, and maybe It was more like flipping the middle finger to myself in a sense of like you can do so much more than you give yourself credit for and that you think you can do. So I would say both of those were really, what's the word like profound in the sense that once I accomplished them, I felt so much respect for myself, knowing the fear and everything that was attached to them, and then actually walking through and doing it with that amount of fear on the other side of the hardest things are, is where we just go, oh, the light bulb goes off, you know? And so those are the moments that I most appreciate, and am, like, proud of myself like that, kicked ass, you know, because for a marathon, when you have to wake up on Saturdays at six in the morning to join your training group, to go running, and you do it week after week after week like those are the things where character is built and where I go. Man, I knew how much I wanted to sleep in. I knew how badly I didn't want to go to that run, and I freaking did it. And that just feels good.

Kim Bolourtchi: 18:10

I love that. I love that I cannot imagine running a marathon. Kudos to you. It sounds horrible.

Janice Burt: 18:19

Yes, there, and there were moments of it was horrible, and that's what made it so freaking sweet when, when you actually accomplish it, yeah, because it was so horrible. And there, there is something about these feats, you know, that that people do. That's why the climbing of the Mount Everest and the like, the different things I see, why that that's so appealing to some people, because the sense that you get on the other side is really remarkable,

Kim Bolourtchi: 18:56

yeah, because the messages right that we we tell ourselves, and some People even get it from their families, is, oh, you could never do that. That's not for you, that's for somebody else. That's for a supreme athlete, right? That's, that's like, that's not something I can do. So when you actually can do it, it's incredible.

Janice Burt: 19:16

And you know what, Kim, oh my gosh. So I'm running the marathon, and and I think I was like, mile 15 or something, and I'm just feeling all the ways that you feel when you're running. And I look over and there is a blind man. Oh, my God, it's still to this day. Makes me cry because he has his, you know, his stick, and he has two guides, one on each side of him, and he's running this marathon. And I just remember looking over and going, what has been my excuse? Like, what has been my excuse, you know? And so I'm running, I'm crying. Dying, and it was just this moment of going, it's a choice. It's a choice. And if you're determined enough, and you gather people around you that are part of that same tribe that want the same thing, and you go for it together, like it's all the things are achievable.

Kim Bolourtchi: 20:22

I love that. That's so inspiring, so incredible. Do you have advice for people who are facing limiting rules? What would you tell them? Oh,

Janice Burt: 20:37

I would just say, I understand. I understand the feeling of wanting to fit in at all costs. I understand, you know, the the fear of being rejected or being criticized like I I understand all of that. And I also know very much that it is a prison that if you continue in that prison, you'll look back someday on your deathbed and you will have regrets, and you will have wanted to not care so much a about what anybody else thought about you, and you'll you'll have wanted to, like, grab these opportunities that you were too scared to take, and it's Just going to be sad. And so my best advice is to take a moment to really sit in stillness, to connect to who you truly are, because who you truly are underneath the fear and the doubts and the limiting beliefs and what other people told you is you are just full of love, peace, compassion, purpose, and so it's really Just a remembering. So I would take some time sit in that space of just being able to center yourself and and remember who you are, and then make decisions accordingly. And they can be small. It could be, you know, a connection with somebody that you really feel like, okay, they they get that, they see that, that part of me, it could be reading some good books. There's tons of things on YouTube, joining teams and groups like, we are meant to be in community. We're meant for that. It's just finding the right one that's in alignment with all of that beauty that's within you, not that's fear based, that's victim, you know, mentality focused, something that is empowering, that gives you your power back.

Kim Bolourtchi: 23:25

I love that so many great suggestions. And what I really, really love is that you know, you your encouragement to start within. I think is, is such an important takeaway, because there's so many people who are looking outside of themselves, they're looking out into the world for the answer. Tell me how I'm going to be okay. Tell me what I have to do right, to find this piece, or to find this connection, or to find this this way of being. And the reality is that we already know, and it's all already within and who you're supposed to be is already here, like we already have the answers. It's so much more simple than we've ever been told. But having the courage to pay attention to what that is, who that is, if it's different than what has been expected, is the real challenge. But your journey is is such living evidence that it's so worth it, and I so appreciate you sharing it with me and my listeners and then also on your podcast. You know, sharing it with more of the world, because I think you're right. You know, when we're really honest and we tell the truth about our struggles and what we're challenged by, people realize they're not alone. And, you know, they stop feeling like, Oh, it's just me. They go like, Oh, actually, it's, it's a lot of us. It's just that most people don't want to tell the truth about it.

Janice Burt: 24:53

Yeah, it's hard to sit in pain. Yeah, you know. And that's. Yes, that's what I avoided for many, many years, like I felt like I would drown in it. And it's so counterintuitive, but the more we are able to look at our pain, to sit with our pain, to give it a name, to really just notice and be present with it, we can start to heal those parts within us that are wounded, and most of us have a wounded inner child within us, something that happened when we were kids, when we were a teenager, and we swept it under the carpet, and we just, you know, didn't want to deal because it was so traumatic or so painful. But we're then as adults, still living from that place of a wounded child. And so the best thing I ever did was to sit with that pain and to really look at that inner, Wounded Little Janice and go, I love you. I'm not ashamed of you like I love you. And as soon as I started healing that insecure, sad little girl within me, then things actually started changing as as an adult, the adult version of me,

Kim Bolourtchi: 26:24

so powerful, so powerful

Janice Burt: 26:28

every day, a little more, a little little something, something

Kim Bolourtchi: 26:32

exactly. Well, this has been amazing. I cannot thank you enough for the time, and I'm so excited for everyone to hear this conversation. It was wonderful. You are wonderful. Do you want to tell everyone where they can find your podcast? Oh,

Janice Burt: 26:46

well, you are wonderful. I've enjoyed just these conversations with you and getting to know you so much more. My podcast is one fear per year. So I have a one fear per year.com website where you can go and you can watch the videos or listen to it on Spotify, and yeah, I'm also at Janice burt.com

Kim Bolourtchi: 27:11

amazing. I highly recommend checking it out.