Get Unruly

I'm Not Ready- with Samantha Bolourtchi

• Kim Bolourtchi • Season 4 • Episode 3

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With one month left until college graduation, senior Samantha Bolourtchi gets real about how she's feeling. In this vulnerable and honest conversation, Sam speaks truth about her college experience interrupted by the pandemic, and the ways it has shaped her. 

Unrehearsed and barely edited, this is one of my favorite conversations to date. 

Kimberly Bolourtchi:

This is Kim Bolourtchi, and you're listening to Boldly Stated. So today as my guest, I have my daughter, Samantha. And although Samantha is freaking amazing in her own right and would be an incredible guest on any day, I've asked her to sit with me today and talk with me because she is about to graduate from college. And Sam was just kind of finding her groove her freshman year when everybody got sent home. And so her college experience was very, very colored by the pandemic, and now she's about to graduate. We're starting to have conversations around the value of a college degree and her preparation for the world. I haven't had any coaching with her around this episode, and I actually don't know what she's gonna say. So I'm publicly going to tell you, Sam, that you can say anything you want, and you're not going to get in trouble. Even if you tell me that you think your degree is shit. I'll cry later, not in front of you. Anyway, welcome, Sam. I'm so happy you're here.

Samantha Bolourtchi:

Thank you. I'm happy to be here.

Kimberly Bolourtchi:

So you're graduating. Tell us your degrees.

Samantha Bolourtchi:

I'm getting a bachelor's in philosophy, a bachelors in socio Legal Studies. And I don't know what the degree is for minors, to be quite honest with you. But I originally declared socio Legal Studies, which is this sociology lens, like a critical socio legal lens, on law in society and needed to add another major per the university guidelines. So we're graduating with a mouthful. Okay,

Kimberly Bolourtchi:

so you've got lots of degrees, lots of degrees, and how prepared Do you feel to be entering the world? Oh, boy, if you guys could see her face right now.

Samantha Bolourtchi:

I'll be honest, like, I want to take a moment and really think about this question and not just answer on face. Because if I answered on impulse, I'd say, Oh, I'm, I'm so far away from feeling prepared to enter what we'd say air, quote, the real world. It's, it's terrifying to be quite honest, on a deeper level, when I step back and recognize all that I've learned and what I'm able to take away with, and all of the knowledge and education that I've been able to access, I will say that I am walking into a rather new next unknown part of my life, as we tend to do with a little bit more confidence, I will say, with maybe more tools, but in terms of material, so to speak, of how to support myself and how to go about maybe more of the logistical things. Yeah, not a clue.

Kimberly Bolourtchi:

Okay. Do you think that is a function of sort of your I guess it's hard to ask you because you only have your experience, really, that you're you're aware of? It's hard to compare it to someone else's. But do you think that the pandemic and kind of what happened to you and your classmates is maybe different than what it was previously?

Samantha Bolourtchi:

Oh, I'm 100%. Sure. 100% Sure. And I don't want to speak for other people's experiences, by any means. Because I am 100% confident they are all unique and different. And the socially, I mean, to begin the social atmosphere, I'm graduating college with three solid friends that I can look back and say, I made some wonderful memories with them. And I've always kept a close circle, but I'm also an extrovert. And you know how many times I've called you and said, I want to go out, I want to meet new people, I want to do things and it feels like the hardest battle in the world, because COVID changed every aspect of how we go about social interaction. And it's very, very tough. Today, I feel like even to make friends in new places is tough. Sometimes it feels like you're really trying to pull out sentences.

Kimberly Bolourtchi:

Yeah, it's interesting, because, you know, I think they're gonna do studies on this, I'm sure, right, like, years from now, they're gonna be like, and the generation that was in college during COVID. But I think, um, you know, a lot of people are ready to move past it. And they're like, Yeah, let's just move on and get the hell over it. And I get it right. And one, on one hand, it's like, that was a huge chunk of time, that had a massive impact. And but I think that for you, for students, young people who lost the ability to interact at a really formative time. I think we're still really seeing those effects. Agreed. And I think, I think that there's not a lot of support. Maybe also,

Samantha Bolourtchi:

I agree, I think that you're right in a lot of ways I mean campus it's, it's definitely back to its lively buzz, but you can feel almost, at least for myself being in a position where I came into college with that old quote unquote, college theme right where the various stereotypical college experience is very much in front of me and very much able to have and COVID hit and we had to very much adjust more than 180. And we've come back with this assumption that we can throw back into normal, there is no such thing as normal anymore. Everything feels different, even in the atmosphere of being on campus. And it's wonderful to see everyone and talk to everyone and act as if everything is back to the way that it was. But it isn't, and it won't ever be. And I think that it has impacted us on a deeper level than I think we want to admit. And that's super important. I'm still trying to admit it, I think in in both good and bad days, not just in social interaction. But being alone too has changed a lot with COVID as well.

Kimberly Bolourtchi:

Such a good point. And I think sometimes, we're so quick to look for the silver lining, that we don't take the time to mourn what we lost 100% And I know for myself, you know, I've been really sort of learning how to look the hard things in the eye, right, and like to feel the feelings, which I was always really good at feeling the happy feelings and finding the positive. But I think it's also really important to be able to say, you know, I'm scared, and it's okay to be scared, or this is hard. And it's okay, that it's hard. I think the fact that everybody wants to move on and to be like, Okay, you guys are graduating, let's go get out in the world, you know, and and with parents, by the way, who don't have any real understanding of how much the world has changed, or how much the workforce has changed, or the incredible vast opportunities that exist for you all that did not exist for us. And so there's like already this weird gap in both knowledge and expectation that I also think is putting a lot of pressure on students who are graduating and who are kind of, you know, in the mix right now, what do you think about that?

Samantha Bolourtchi:

Oh, I mean, I definitely agree there. There is a sense of pressure, to a certain extent, I think we all expected. And then there's this other sort of area of pressure that feels to be like kind of tapping your funnybone Sort of, that's the best way I could describe it. Like, you can feel it, you kind of want to laugh, but you kind of want to cry at the same time. And I think part of that is maybe less rumor, I'm not prepared standpoint and more of how do I go forward without stepping the wrong way? Because I feel like I can't afford to, at this point. Why I feel like at least for myself, I don't want to look back and say COVID took away time that I haven't had now if that makes any sense. Like I feel like I I took advantage of it for what it's worth, right. I don't feel like I've lost that time. But it's impacted the way I feel like I'm presenting myself today. When I look back at even how I interacted before COVID. It just seems so incredibly different.

Kimberly Bolourtchi:

Can you explain that difference? Or is that just like hard to do?

Samantha Bolourtchi:

No. I mean, I'll give my best shot at it. And if it's too bad, you'll edit it out. But

Kimberly Bolourtchi:

the reason I'm asking is because I feel like this is something that so many people feel. But it's hard to put into words.

Samantha Bolourtchi:

I think there's this subconscious underlying sense of fear. And this fear is kind of taking a hold of a lot of different emotions that are playing out more aggressively. We see in cars, for instance, like driving. But in other instances, too, I think before COVID, we had this for what it's worth this familiarity or comfortability with each other and with social interaction, and we weren't as worried about something as dangerous as a viral disease that could get us sick when we go and grab coffee. And I think that has impacted the way we go about social interaction and business interactions today, more or less, I think it's harder for people to maybe take a little bit more of a leap of faith given just the radical shift that has transpired. But beyond that, I don't know. I think that's something I'm still working out. I mean, I think it helps me grow up a lot faster. But I also consider all of the students that I know and all the friends that I had, that no longer were able to afford college and had to drop out of college. And so as excited as I am to graduate with this wonderful piece of paper, and all of this time and commitment and privilege and opportunity because it is a privilege to have higher education. I think it's also frustrating to have watched people you know, who could be there with you and maybe have the opportunities that unfortunately higher education gives people in this country versus not having to a higher degree, and that is frustrating in itself, I think as well.

Kimberly Bolourtchi:

Yeah. I mean, a lot of people fell through the cracks,

Samantha Bolourtchi:

that and I think, you know, our society's economic system of capitalism, which is a whole nother egg, we can break into, probably like 40 episodes worth might have to make one podcast on that, you should absolutely do it. But we capitalize off of absolutely everything. And we took an opportunity when we needed humanity's faith the most to continue that effort. And I feel like it's only been catalyzed since in a lot of ways, and we're, we're busier now we're working harder, now we're pushing at every chance we can more and more and more. And it just kind of hurts.

Kimberly Bolourtchi:

I think you make such a good point. And I think that's maybe part of what is that sort of sense of despair, that I sense in your generation to right, it's like you watched the adults completely fuck it up. Like we had an opportunity to come together. And to be better, and we have come apart, we've come out of it more divided,

Samantha Bolourtchi:

I will agree that we've we've, as a collective have come out more divided, I don't want to put it all on the generation ahead of me, because I think it's been a continual generational issue of division for quite a while now, given our history, and given the choices that we've made economically and politically. But the division is significantly more not only in socialization, but in political polarization of this country, especially with we had COVID. And then we had Roe v. Wade, and we have, you know, new transgender rights that are being passed in, in some states and being completely dismissed and others. So there's, there's definitely more emotion.

Kimberly Bolourtchi:

For sure. And I think there's less direction in terms of, you know, the path, I mean, I, I've never necessarily agreed that, you know, anyone could tell you like, this is the path, right? As you know, it's sometimes I think, frustrating probably being my kid, because I'm so like, there's so many paths to everywhere, which sounds so great, until you have to find one for yourself. And that can be really daunting, right? But I truly believe that the beauty of sort of this life, and the gift that we're given is being able to chart your own path based on your unique gifts and your talents and what lights you up. And in figuring that out as you go, I do think that there's less direction for you, because people don't actually know, like, we're in this space where the ways business was done forever and ever. It's not really working. A lot of companies are having to rethink the way they do everything. You know, whether it's remote work, or in office, there's, there's that piece, but there's so much more to write the way of doing it with a huge organizational chart from the top to the bottom, it doesn't work anymore. You know, they'll say, you guys don't want to work. But that's not it. You want purpose. And so there's a lot of rethinking and reimagining that's happening that ultimately, I think is really, really awesome. But when you're graduating in June, it probably feels scary.

Samantha Bolourtchi:

Yeah, it feels scary. And you know, you want to come out of college right into a job, hopefully, you know, you want to jump into the pool, you don't want to step into it. I think at least I don't I'm someone who likes to jump. But not really knowing where to jump and how to jump feels like all questions I need to be asking now with the way in which the world has has changed. I mean, I have for what it's worth, despite the fact that I you know, relent social media and still use it. So you can call me hypocrite and I will take it willingly. An AI robot was just programmed on my Snapchat that can actually program responses to questions like how do I tell someone that I am not going to be able to meet for dinner tonight, and it will generate a spot over an emotionally intelligent response. That alone is a technology we didn't have, or use to the extent of which we use today in business that is putting people out of the workforce. There's just been so much change. And as somebody who's about to enter this realm of change, yeah, the pads seem endless. And at the same time, all the doors are closed, if that makes sense.

Kimberly Bolourtchi:

Oh, they're not though. Okay, so, um, I love this conversation so much. So, I'm gonna ask you a question. Sure. And then you get to ask me a question. Okay. Okay. So here's my question. I'm your mother. Been your mother your whole life. So, what do you think? I would say to you, or to anyone in your situation, getting ready to graduate from school with the vast amount of uncertainty that you're facing? What would my advice be? I don't think knowing me as you do. Yeah,

Samantha Bolourtchi:

I think it would be something along the lines of one, be proud of your accomplishments be proud of the risks and the courage and the bravery it took to get to where you have come and to step into the next part with open arms, open eyes, open ears, let it come to you. Try not to push yourself into a direction you may or may not be compromising yourself for. Stay open and stay true to yourself no matter what because it may not develop the way your friends are going to do it out of college, and it may not develop the way that you yourself want it to develop out of college. And if you find that space where you can be okay with that, it will come faster than you think.

Kimberly Bolourtchi:

Yeah. And I would say take a step, just take a step, it doesn't matter. You don't need the perfect step, it doesn't have to be the right step for the rest of your life. Just take a step, a step in any direction that feels good to you, that feels like it could be a track you want to go down is a step in a direction. And it could be a direction that leads to another step. Or it could be one that makes you redirect and you go, oh shit, I don't want to do this at all. But then you learn something right then in there, right? So sitting back and waiting for everything to be totally crystal clear. And for everything to feel really, really good before you do anything, just means you're gonna sit there and wait for a really long time, right? Because you don't know until you do. And so I'm all about just go do get out there, right? Put yourself into the world be crazy break. And just remember how how much the world needs your gifts, and your talent and your sparkle. And I mean this to you and also to every single person out there who's contemplating what's next, or, you know, this weird vast space of, of, I don't know, nests, because here's the crazy thing is you, you really don't know what's next. And there's all this change happening, which means there's tons of space to do something totally new. Right? Like, like, we do not live in a fix world at all, there's so much opportunity. And so it's there's never been a better time to reimagine a dream, or to think of something that no one's thought of, or a different way of doing something or to solve a problem in any way. So for me, I understand and really, deeply feel and empathize with how uncertain you know, it feels and it's scary, but I also feel like it's such an amazing time to be creative, and alive. So, you know, I've got all the excitement for you while you've got the, the apprehension, but but my hope is, you know, that it starts to shift and become more real in your body.

Samantha Bolourtchi:

And I think it will, I think it's like, apprehensive excitement. Yes. If that's something you could phrase?

Kimberly Bolourtchi:

Absolutely. Okay, good to ask me a question. Okay. I'm scared.

Samantha Bolourtchi:

All right. Well, you know me fairly well, I'd like to think because as you mentioned, I am your daughter. So with a month and change left of college, put yourself in my shoes, what advice would you give me in the time that I have left?

Kimberly Bolourtchi:

It's a great question. I would say just be present. Be present, enjoy every moment, even the moments that feel like a pain in the butt and you're so over it, and you're so done with it. Be present, and soak it all up. You know, leave no stone unturned if there's something that is offered in this, this place that you haven't explored yet. And even if you're just a tiny, tiny bit curious, take advantage of it. Go, you know, knock on the door of a professor who's won some crazy award and you just think what they do is cool, because you're a student. And even if it's not anything that you think you'll take into your your life, right, just meeting interesting people. While you're here, you have access to a world that not to say you wouldn't as an alumni, but but you're very uniquely positioned. And so I just would say, look at every day as an opportunity to just be present and absorb whatever goodness you can, and, you know, shine, just shine your light. Because there's a lot of people I think, who are feeling just what you're feeling. And you know, I think so many people try to put on a happy face and go out there like I've got this under control. And you know, you hear of all the people who got the jobs and they're this and you said that to me at one point, like everybody knows what they're doing. And I'm like, no, actually they don't, right. Some people will but a lot of people don't. The people who know what they're doing are going to talk about it a lot. Right? But the people who don't know what they're doing are probably sitting back feeling really scared, really apprehensive, and they might not have the same kind of support system that you do. And so, you know, to the extent you can be vocal with like, this is an adventure. I think that's also really cool. Yeah. So I would just say make the most of it like you always do.

Samantha Bolourtchi:

Thank you. Yeah, I will do my very best.

Kimberly Bolourtchi:

I know you will.

Samantha Bolourtchi:

It's been quite a ride.

Kimberly Bolourtchi:

I know. It has really been a ride and I cannot believe you are graduating.

Samantha Bolourtchi:

Me either. That's crazy. Trust me. I mean, we were just having this conversation

Kimberly Bolourtchi:

i was just decorating your dorm room. Your freshman year. I literally remember putting up the pictures on the wall.

Samantha Bolourtchi:

And all like half of the decorations fall off the wall. I mean, it's quite remarkable though. It's beautiful to look back.

Kimberly Bolourtchi:

Yeah, I'm proud of you.

Samantha Bolourtchi:

Appreciate.

Kimberly Bolourtchi:

Okay, let's sign up before we both start crying. Thank you for being here today.

Samantha Bolourtchi:

Thanks for asking me.

Kimberly Bolourtchi:

This is Kim Bolourtchi. You've been listening to Boldly Stated, Have a great week and we'll be back soon.