The Worst Advice You Can Give

According to an op ed this weekend, telling new graduates to seek "passion and purpose in their work" is the "worst advice" we can give them.  In 12 minutes, I attempt to shred every part of this ridiculous argument.  Listen in, and decide for yourself. 

Transcript

Kim Bolourtchi: 0:00

This is Kim Bolourtchi and you're listening to Boldly Stated. It's been a minute since I recorded a podcast. And I think, in part because I've been feeling really overwhelmed by the world in general, there's so much going on all the time that every time I turn around to talk about something, I always want to put a positive spin. And honestly, lately, I've been having a hard time doing that. But this weekend, I read something that really inspired me to sit down and talk to you because one of the things I do in my spare time, which is a little bit nerdy, okay, it's a lot nerdy, is I read op eds. I like to read opinion pieces in all kinds of media. So I read it from the left side, I read it from the right side, I like to see perspectives, even if I totally disagree with them, which I often do. I feel like this helps me keep an open mind when I'm forming my own opinions about things, right. I'm not just listening to people who I agree with. This weekend, though, I read one that made me so upset and so angry, that I can't stop thinking about it. And it made me sit down and pull up my microphone. So here's what it was, it was actually a an op ed on CNN. And this person wrote that the worst advice you can give to college graduates is to do something you love. Her position is Work is work. And she says, to let the millennials work themselves to death, pursuing passion and purpose, because she doesn't see any merit in it long term. So her advice to the graduating class is, don't worry about passion or purpose or finding something you love, just do something you like, that's good enough. Her fear apparently, is that if you find something you really love to do, it might become too important to you, and have too big of a role in your life. So if you just find something you like, then you can really keep your work and your life separate, according to this author. Okay. Let's start here. Somebody who has never loved their work could easily make this argument. I'm guessing this person has never actually loved what she does. Because she would never tell someone not to do work they love if in fact, she knew what that felt like. Well, let me tell you, I do know what it feels like to do work that you absolutely love. And I know what it feels like to do work that you fucking hate. I also know what it feels like to do work that you kinda like. And there is a huge difference between the three. So doing work you hate is is an obvious one, nobody's going to stay there, right? But doing work you kind of like, is unfulfilling. It's when you wake up in the morning, and you wonder like, what more is there for me in this life? And what am I really here to do? And why am I doing this, and all the little things that happen in a day send you into this thought spiral about how much you have to put up with how much you have to give how much energy you want to exert. You spend a lot of time wondering what else there is when you just like your work. But when you love your work, you feel as if every moment means something, it's easier when things get hard. And they always get hard to see the big picture and know that you're doing something that actually matters to you. Hopefully, it matters to other people also, but but when it matters to you, and you genuinely feel like you're doing something you care about deeply. There is so much greater fulfillment, and an increased sense of pride in the work that you're doing. Of course, you should want to do work that you love. But this doesn't mean that you're going to know what that work is the day you step off the college graduation stage. There are so many people that are stressed out because they don't know what they're passionate about or what their purpose is. And it's a journey, it takes time. It's not that you need to know those things by the time you graduate or as you enter the workforce or even after you've been there for a little bit. But if you're in the pursuit of work that you're really going to love and that's inspiring to you, then you're not going to settle for work that isn't. And that's really the point here. It's not to add pressure to what is already a really pressure filled time that you need to know these things sooner. I think it's the opposite. You need to just give yourself the grace to believe that you'll find it. But telling people not to set their sights on work that they love is ridiculous. Why would you tell somebody shoot low just to kind of make it easy and to not run the risk that you actually could feel passionate about something? Right? That's like don't ever fall in love because, you know, someday your heart might get broken so just like people a lot. Okay, you can do that. But what kind of life do you live? I I say, take the time to figure out what truly interests you, you might do some things that don't, I certainly did. And then you pivot, and you shift and you take a step in a different direction. As you move toward the things you do genuinely love, it's part of learning about yourself, and being on your journey. But for somebody to tell you don't worry about what you love. That's a bunch of bullshit, don't worry about feeling purposeful in your work. Like you might as well just sit down and resign yourself to a lifetime of burnout right now, if you are not going to try to find work that makes you feel like you have a purpose and what you're doing. As humans, that is our number one driver, it's not money. It's not I know a lot of people think it is, but it's not, it's a feeling of purpose, like we're doing something that actually is meaningful. So that is reason number one, why this advice is complete and total crap. The second thing is that your life and your work are not separate. We're not robots, we don't turn off a button that says, I'm going to be in work person now. And then I'm going to be in life person. Now your work is part of your life. And I've talked about this before, but we continue to separate these things. And then people look for balance, as if we're capable of finding these like, perfect symmetries between the two. What if instead, we were looking for a constant state of just like, I'm freaking good, I feel good in the work that I'm doing. I feel good in my life. I'm doing things that work that make me feel fulfilled, I'm doing things in my life that make me feel fulfilled, it's all one thing, you're all one person, truly, to look at your work as separate from your life means you're going to put up with a lot of shit that you wouldn't otherwise do. Because you feel like you owe it to whatever it is you're doing to have the right to then go back and live your life, right? That's the mindset, I have to work. So then I get to do these things I want to do in my life. Well, not exactly. If you're doing work that feels fulfilling, and you're doing work that you really love, or you're in pursuit of work that you love, even if in this moment, you're on the path and you don't totally love it, but you're figuring stuff out, you're at least looking for it, then it's it's part of you, it's part of your life, it's not a separate thing. The truth is that doing work you really love is energizing, doing work that you don't like or kinda like is draining. And this author is worried about you being overworked? Well, it will happen when you do work, you don't like in a place that doesn't value you as a whole person. So we're trying to move into a much higher consciousness when we think about like, really what our life is meant to be. And this type of of suggestion that you should just settle for something that's okay. It doesn't make any sense. It's moving in the wrong direction, like substantially in the wrong direction, rather than going backwards 100 years to the separation of just grind it freaking out. And then in your remaining hours, however few they might be go ahead and live. We did that for centuries. It doesn't work. It doesn't make us happy. It doesn't make us feel good. It doesn't make us healthy. We need employers to step up and look at employees as whole people. And by the way, these graduates are going to want to be seen and valued because they're smart, and they're talented, and they're amazing. And so this advice of just find something you like you're basically dooming them to wake up every day wondering what they're doing. That's reason number two, why this advice is terrible. The last thing I want to say about this article is this idea of working hard, here's the truth, you're gonna work hard no matter what you do. So you might as well do something that really fills you up. I love my work. I love it. But I work hard. I always work hard. The difference is, it doesn't feel painful. It doesn't feel draining, it doesn't feel like my soul is being sucked out of my body when I do my work. I really genuinely love my work. But it doesn't mean I am not putting in time and energy and thought, but it's going in a direction that feels really, really good to me. Right. And it didn't always feel that way. There was a time where I was doing work that I didn't love and I felt every second of that clock tick by. I felt every second of my time in the library researching statutes or whatever the hell I was doing. I felt every second of my day and it didn't feel good. I spent so much time on the clock thinking about what I would rather be doing or what else there might be for me and I say this because it's in everybody's interest to have inspired employees. Write like, an employer is gonna get the most out of people who aren't half assing it because they're not liking their work. And if you're an employee and you're there anyway, you're going to do much better work. If you love what you're doing, then if you really don't care about it, like, it's not a big stretch to think about the reasons why it makes sense to go for work that you're going to love. Now, the Op Ed, our author is worried that if you really love your work, you're going to be consumed by it. And that's all you're going to do. Give me a break. Right? That is definitely not what is facing this generation, this generation is so much more aware than mine and the ones previous to us about carving out time about making sure that they're doing the things they really, really love to do, in addition to hopefully work that they love to do that I believe they're going to be the best balanced of all of us. And we're going to be learning from them for a long time to come. So having somebody not of that generation, telling them Don't go look for work you love. That's, that's, you know, waste of your time, settle for something you like, because work you love will consume your life is is wrong. And it's irresponsible, and frankly, it's condescending as hell. Now I'm sure that this author means well, even though her advice is totally misguided. So I'm going to leave a little bit different advice for the graduating class. First, I do want to tell you, absolutely Pursue your passion, absolutely pursue work that you love, because in the end, it will fill you up. And it will make it exciting to get up in the morning and go to work and do something that feels meaningful. Not every day is going to be good. And the path to getting there is not necessarily going to be fast, it might be slow, it might take a lot of turns. And it might take a minute, but you know you better than anyone and you certainly don't need a generation of adults that are navigating a lot of the world that's unknown to them too, to tell you what you can and can't do. You are capable, you are smart, you are resilient and you are strong and you're not afraid of hard work. So figure out where your natural gifts and talents lie. harness that as you move through life. Figuring out what inspires you where you can make a difference where your gifts and talents will add value and do those things. And don't ever let anyone tell you not to go for the things that light your soul on fire. That is where the magic lives. This is Kim Bolourtchi, and you've been listening to Boldly Stated